Pardon me while I indulge myself and post a little poem here. A link appears afterward where I discovered it. I have altered it a bit for my situation. Note: in no way do I blame the loss of my marriage to any woman. No, I blame it on society's easy ability to compromise on that which never should be compromised. I blame it on those who are selfish and immature. I share the blame for marrying a man who was never meant to be mine. I certainly don't blame it on the wife (if she is the victim) in a similar situation nor the husband (if he is the victim) in a similar situation. No, it was something that was the decision of people who put themselves above everyone and everything else; fulfilling their own selfish, fleshly desires with no thought of anything else.
The woman I refer to here may have him (my ex-husband; now her husband five years ago) now, but if he cheated on me and tossed his family away (three children including an adopted special-needs son who was and is so very precious to me); he will surely do it to her. Too bad she probably thinks that she was the "only one" when she and he cheated on me. I was the woman who truly loved him, and he had many affairs with others just as immoral and they too thought they were "the only one." However, I doubt that because in every case, these women (and there were MANY) were married. This is a sad testament to the sinful state of our society today. People who call themselves "Christian" even do these very things; often pastors. This is never acceptable. Certainly, there should be forgiveness but at no time should we act as if it's okay or "normal" or allow an unrepentant person to be treated as if they can continue. This is what we do when we do not speak up.
It's true that people can change. But after cheating with many, many women while in a marriage of 28 years (that was meant to last a lifetime); and though he may have married one who cheated on her husband; doesn't mean he won't do it to her if he hasn't already. I am thankful. I now have a life that includes friendships to cherish and friendships with men who treat me with great respect. My choice to date or not date a man has been and will be always be based upon their relationship with my Father. It will be based upon how they treat and treated their ex-wife (if they have one) and how they respect their family. I would never be involved with any man that doesn't walk the walk; not just talk the talk. And, I cannot be fooled because not only have I been given discernment; I have many brothers and sisters in the Lord who do love me and they watch over my shoulder all the time (which can be aggravating at times). But, what a blessing!
And I will share that if one walks through an orchard at harvest time, it's easy to see that there is always fruit that hangs low and is easy to pick. There is even fruit on the ground, so easy to get. The sweetest, juiciest fruit is always found at the top of the tree. This fruit was ripened by the sun (Son) and if a person wants the best fruit, a little trouble to reach it is well-worth it. Nothing worth having is easily gained. The fruit that is low growing has worms, flies, and bruises. The fruit on the ground does too, but the fruit that's the best is disease-free and has no spots nor any blemishes. It's a matter of choice: quality over quantity.
Please do not take this as "revengeful" or mean. I truly understand God's Word (really) and I can not remarry as long as my ex-husband is alive. God hates divorce but not at the chance of one of His Children lessening their walk with Him or service to Him. When I learned that he had married this person; I was so very grieved. I realized I had been holding out hope that he would "see" what he had done; what he had lost, and that we could re-commit ourselves to our marriage. We could grow old together. I will always love that man. I never really "thought" I would be so upset but I never really thought that he would buy the cow when the milk was free, either.
God showed me through this that He allowed this to happen because eventually the denigration of my ministry by my ex-husband (which he did when we were married) eventually would have caused me to pull back from that or even cease. He loves me (my Heavenly Father), I am precious to Him. I may have felt that I had been discarded like some piece of trash, kicked to the curb but that was wrong. And, so I was freed from those feelings I didn't even realize I had.
I feel renewed and truly feel a stronger peace that only comes from the Lord. I am sharing this so that perhaps someone who sees this and has experienced something similar will be helped by it or that someone who sees it will share it with another who has experienced it. This is not about me. I have fervently prayed for my husband (excuse me, ex-husband), and did so when we were married and have continued. My Father will deal with him. His decisions are not my problem and I have lifted him up in prayer at least daily for as long as I can remember. He has rejected God. That is not my fault. And, despite the fact that I would never want that to be his choice, I cannot will him to choose God and I cannot make him do so. I cannot will anyone to live a righteous life.
There have always been women and men who have no morals and no thoughts or cares that their decisions and actions would devastate others. Many of these have personality disorders. Some are sociopathic. This is nothing new. But, no matter who we are or what we do, we all will answer one day for this too. I am not perfect, but this is one thing for which I will never be called to account. All my shortcomings have been forgiven and my life belongs to Him, the One who died for me who loved me more than any person in this world ever will or could. I am a daughter of The King (and I am not referring to Elvis ya'll).
HONEY YOU CAN HAVE HIM
He told you all his secrets,
he told you all his lies.
he called you on the phone
he had you hypnotized...
He was married man with
a family and a wife.
He HAD a happy marriage
until you and others like you
came into his life.
You listened to him when he needed
you the most...
You should have known better
to let him get that close.
You didn't have to sleep with him
he wasn't yours to share
to ruin other's happy lives
you only just gave him advice
and made him realize...
He broke his marriage vows,
breaking promises made to God,
to family, friends, lying
because of things you said
you prompted him that
it was okay to have feelings for another
A REAL woman doesn't covet another
she tells him to stand up
and do all that he can
Why would you want him
when he lied to me
You'd take the chance
that he'd do that to you, too?
We had our share of problems
but you made him see...
that love takes commitment
and he walked away from me.
So now you have the man
who's in another woman's heart...
you get the man who left her
when you should have stayed apart
Don't you know that difference between
what's right and what's wrong?
You should have stayed away
and not returned his calls on the phone.
Shame on you because you did know better
You'd done this before
And you wanted what you wanted
And gave no thought of more.
You were too much of a coward
to contact me about your actions
You acted like an animal
And nothing more
Sure we had our problems
until you came into his life,
And before you, there were others like you,
willing women who thought nothing
of anyone but themselves.
Sure we had our problems
until you came into his life
But he had stopped caring
enough to take care of his promises
to his family and his wife
But you knew better
than to encourage his attention---
just a little fact that
I felt you should know.
Honey, after all he has put me through
the last few months and 28 years
I have decided that letting you have him
Until he tires of you, and he will
Is the best way lesson I can help you learn.
And don't think he won't 'cause when the
going gets tough he'll just run,
place blame on you
and go on with another unsuspecting one.
Then you can face a bitter divorce
and his lies, his anger, your tears
of the man he'll become and already is
who will always switch gears...
he'll say he loves you
but he just won't be "in love with you."
Making promises out of guilt,
and lies told to placate,
he'll do what he wants
until you decide to vacate.
So have fun while it lasts,
and enjoy the ride
because your relationship with
HIM will surely die.
So no matter what you do
or if you play to win
I gotta laugh right now
because Honey you have him!